quintessential quidnunc cor

The Fast and The...whoa...

2006-06-30T02:58:00.000-07:00

My instant movie review for The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift

Plot? Nonexistent. But if you really really care about it, it's about some guy who always gets in trouble for street racing, so his momma sends him to Tokyo, where, unexpectedly, he learns about more street racing (drifting).
Worth watching? Yup, especially if you're a guy. They've got hot actresses, cool cars, killer driving sequences, and did I mention the ultra-hot actresses?
Stars of the film (In the order they're presented in the movie below):

Honda Fortune Maisty NSX
Mazda RX7 Fortune
Nissan Z33 350Z Version3
Aiko Tanaka...Cowgirl at Starting Line #2
Caroline de Souza Correa...Brazilian Model
Kaila Yu...Cowgirl at starting line(PS)
Keiko Kitagawa...Reiko
Mikiko Yano...Bo-Peep Girl #2
Nathalie Kelley...Neela
Nikki Griffin...Cindy
Shoko Nakagawa...Bo-Peep Girl

...and of course, the movie (click it for a special surprise):

pulcherrima femina - josie maran

2006-06-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

I've known about her before her stint at Van Helsing, and way before everyone associated her with Need for Speed. Way out of my league, I know, but i can dream, can't I?

dr. sara tancredi

2006-05-27T00:38:00.000-07:00

Here is one of the characters of my favorite TV series, Prison Break. Now i don't know why they did it, but they killed her character in the final episode of the first season. Maybe they her character has no crucial role in the second season, but why kill her? After she realizes that she wasn't fulfilling her goal of helping inmates change for the better, maybe she could have become a teacher to educate children before they turn into criminals, just as her father had suggested. Or maybe she realized she had to take more serious measures and she applies for another penitentiary's warden or something. Anything. But they killed her. And of the many ways of killing a character, they chose to overdose her with morphine. Escaping through her previous drug addiction is just so feeble. It's as if her character was just scrapped, leaving no legacy or lasting memory whatsoever. She will be forgotten.

to the stubborn one

2006-05-26T01:25:00.000-07:00

Brownman Revival - Lintik

Lintik na pag-ibig
parang kidlat
puso kong tahimik na naghihintay
bigla mong ginulat

Di ko man lang napansin ang iyong pagdating
daig mo pa ang isang bagyong namuo sa malayo
ihip ng hangin biglang nag-iba
sinundan pa ng kulog at kidlat
sa biglang buhos ng iyo sa akin
ako'y napakanta

Mga halik mo't mga lambing, inuulan mo sa akin
binabagyo, binabaha na ako ng iyong mga cariño
nananaginip ba ako nang gising
ay, tinamaan ng magaling
nadali mo ang puso ko ng iyong kidlat

Itchyworms - Akin Ka Na Lang

'Wag kang maniwala d'yan. 'Di ka n'ya mahal talaga
Sayang lang ang buhay mo kung mapupunta ka lang sa kanya
Iiwanan ka lang n'yan, mag-ingat ka
Dagdag ka lamang sa milyun-milyong babae n'ya

Akin ka na lang
Iingatan ko ang puso mo
Akin ka na lang
Wala nang hihigit pa sa 'yo

'Di naman ako bolero katulad ng ibang tao
Ang totoo'y pag nandyan ka medyo nabubulol pa nga ako
Malangis lang ang dila n'yan, 'wag kang madala
Dahan-dahan ka lang, baka pati ika'y mabiktima ('Wag naman sana)

Di naman sa sinisiraan ko ang pangit na 'yan
'Wag ka dapat sa'kin magduda, hinding-hindi kita pababayaan!

of movies, heroes, and crap

2006-05-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

Everyone loves heroes. The movies are full of them. Whether it is an MI6 agent with his suave, sophisticated and self-sacrificing qualities or an archaeologist with a penchant for adventure, artifacts and affrays, these individuals are adored for the one thing they have in common: they are heroes. They combat seemingly insurmountable odds, save the day, and get the girl. They never fail, and if ever they do, it is only at the beginning, just to add excitement to the audience’s viewing experience and enormous contrast to the heroes’ triumph in the very end.

But the world is not a movie. Our lives are not as exhilarating as those characters’ that dodge lasers, contend with mystic powers, and live on the very edge, every single day. We are regular people who do common everyday things.

And yet, why do we struggle to improve? Why do we tend to gravitate towards goodness and greatness? Why do we cherish those individuals who value things like selflessness, humility and righteousness? Is it because people who live exemplary lives are uncommon and we are simply following the economic rule about scarcity? Or is it because we are attracted to those qualities which we do not possess, as shown by the psychological law of the attraction of opposites? I believe neither of those two reasons is suitable.

It is because of our potential for excellence that we struggle with difficulties in our lives. That is what pushes us to improve ourselves and respect those who have shown their success in progressing towards perfection. This compels us to help those we can, thank those who have assisted us, and praise those who have alleviated others’ difficulties.

In this sense, are we not all heroes?

In spite of that, we have to remember: “If you want to save the world, make sure the world wants to be saved. If you want to change the world, make sure people don’t like it the way it is.” It is true. We shouldn’t go about sticking our heads in and believing we know better. Because we never really do know nor fully understand what is going on in other people’s heads, even if they tell us about it. The only way to really know is to be that person, and we know that’s ridiculous. Not knowing for sure makes this life more interesting, but it leaves things messy as well.

So I know it’s not right to impose my help on someone who does not welcome my help, but how do I save someone who isn’t sure about being saved? Stubbornness on her part, maybe, yet it is not my business going around messing with hers. I want to help, but should I really? Crap.

here to stay

2006-05-08T02:55:00.000-07:00

ahh, whenever i have a bad day dealing with naughty kids, i just listen to my fave song by KoRn. somehow, it makes it all better. if you've got no idea what the song sounds like, just listen at my Friendster profile. (Warning: might cause preflop all in with crappy cards while you're playing at Triplejack!)

KoRn - Here To Stay

This time, taking it away
I've got a problem, with me getting in the way,
Not by design
So I take my face and bash it into a mirror.
I won't have to see the pain (Bleed, Bleed)
This state is elevating, as the hurt turns into hating.
Anticipating, all the fucked up feelings again.

The hurt inside is fading
This shit's gone way too far.
All this time I've been waiting
No I can not grieve anymore.
For what's inside awaking.
I'm not, I'm not a whore
You've taken everything and oh I can not give anymore.

My mind is done with this
Okay, I've got a question.
"Can I throw it all away?"
Take back what's mine
So I take my time, guiding the blade down the line
Each cut closer to the vein (Bleed, Bleed)

This state is elevating, as the hurt turns into hating.
Anticipating, all the fucked up feelings again.

The hurt inside is fading
This shit's gone way too far.
All this time I've been waiting
No I can not grieve anymore.
For what's inside awaking.
I'm not, I’m not a whore
You've taken everything and oh I can not give anymore.

I'm here to stay (bring it down)
Bring it down
Gonna break it down
GONNA BREAK IT!

This state is elevating, as the hurt turns into hating.
Anticipating, all the fucked up feelings again.

The hurt inside is fading
This shit's gone way too far.
All this time I've been waiting
No I can not grieve anymore.
For what's inside awaking.
I'm not, I'm not a whore
You've taken everything and oh I can not give anymore.

Give anymore.

i wonder...

2006-05-08T02:22:00.000-07:00

i wonder why i'm waiting, i wonder what i'm waiting for.
is it the slight ghost of a chance of our wonderful history being repeated?
maybe i'm waiting for me to realize there really is no more you and me,
that the past is past and there really is nothing left but pain.

it really is strange, feeling so alone even when you are with your best friends
still feeling sad for no apparent reason, or even hollow in the most fun parties.
i think maybe it's because i have been touched by someone special,
someone who is the best and worst around me and i couldn't care less
because i was happy. and making that someone happy made me happy,
as senseless as that may sound. that i could be myself, just myself,
and that would be okay. that i could be wrong about things and make
the dumbest mistakes yet still i could be whole, without a care.

i got mad at her recently for not being able to stay friends with me,
for remembering the pain and trouble that was the consequence of our naivete.
for my stupidity. that carelessness will meet its end, that happy days
don't last forever. but i realized something. maybe i got mad at her
for reminding me of my own weakness.that that reaction mirrored what i
really felt inside yet was in denial of. that i still cared, and it still hurt.
that i am human, and i do remember, no matter how many times i pound my head to forget.
that everything really isn't fine. at least, not yet. when, i do not know.

sometimes i wish i were a robot. cold, emotionless, logical. that i could make
the right decisions and live with the consequences of my actions because
i have foreseen such consequences, and nothing more. that i could
have a brutal perfection without. no mess, no irrational problems that
only humans could ever get themselves into. for what is the point of having a heart,
a heart to love, to care, to sacrifice, to open up, only to have it
recycled in front of you by harsh circumstances you could not control?
it isn't right. in fact, it seems so wrong.

sure, maybe i'm bitter. but this terrible bitterness could only be as real as the
unforgiving sweetness that was the past. bitter cannot be bitter without the sweet.
heck, maybe i'll find sweetness again, right? yeah, whatever. after being in that kind of a relationship, it's difficult or practically impossible to imagine yourself with anyone else.
because to experience such innocent closeness and openness to each other like that,
well, it's something very very rare in this world. besides, i won't even know where to look anymore.
i'm hopelessly lost, with regard to that part of my life. i just don't know.

that's why, like i said earlier,
i wonder why i'm waiting, i wonder what i'm waiting for.

February 09, 2006

just a thought

2006-05-08T02:21:00.001-07:00

isn't it funny that laughable things become doubly hilarious when you're sharing them with one other?

23 Jan 06 4.20p

about her diary

2006-05-08T02:21:00.000-07:00

she was wise to keep her thoughts in ink
her emotions, beliefs and queries on paper
i always reckoned keeping them there would only tie her to the past,
bottle her feelings and keep the pressure within,
sealing off all contact and openness, encasing in ice and reflecting
only coldness while the searing emotions build up from within.

but she was right, i had believed the diary would be
her ball and chain but what i did not realize was the freedom
that accompanied every letter that was carved onto the fresh sheet.
she was not keeping things to herself, she was telling another peson.
this other person understood perfectly every word, phrase and sentence,
no matter how cryptic these seemed. no explanations were needed,
no messy definitions, no specific descriptions. the feelings were not encased,
they were preserved, ready to be felt again and again with every turn of a page.

it was so simple, yet my overly analytical mind made it complex.
and in its simplicity it was perfect. this was her wisdom and the wisdom of their gender.

i realize now. i believe now. and so i write.

thanks for the lesson.

23 Jan 06 5.00p

you and me

2006-05-08T02:19:00.000-07:00

visiting silhouettes of wonderful memories
walking through corridors of a past life
passages unblocked, ready to be relived
waiting for rebirth and new growth

different paths open with each visit
opportunities recreated as i walk
but now the doorways are shut, the sound of pain
echoes with the turn of the knob

the ghosts have vanished but the haunting is clear
my past reaching out for me and the terror touches
i feel weak and helpless against them
everywhere i look they are there
surrounding me, smothering, taunting, watching
i close my eyes yet still i see them there

many times i tried to escape, free myself from them
or else surround myself with others to distract
still i twist real memories i cannot purge
last, deny they exist and leave doors welded with scars

failure is my every reply when i try to break out
uncertainty to questions my iron prison
locked behind bars of memories, memories
of a past long gone, they are closing in
they are holding me in and making me stay and wait
they are you and me.

23 Jan 06 4.15a

suddenly sweetier

2006-05-08T02:12:00.000-07:00

i sit down willing myself to begin the report i have to turn in the next day. But somehow i cant write the well-rehearsed words. I cant draw the forms i have visualized the entire day. Think. What comes after empID? I dont know. Name. Now what?

My mind is blank. Empty.

Or is it?

Actually a single thought runs circles in my mind. And funny how that single thought branches into other related thoughts. Each subsequent thought branches into more. Ah, the beauty of the human mind. A thousand thoughts per second. How messy. And as i try to collect my thoughts, desperate as a person hoping to hold running water in his hands, i stop. What started this chain reaction?

I sigh. Her.

Yes, i’m still crazy about her.

Now, even more desperate to get back to the task at hand, i try to silence my thoughts and still my racing heart. It’s not working. What do i do? I cease shutting it in. And so, my pen speaks.

I’m still crazy about her. Why? She is not here. She is a million miles away. You haven’t seen her for the longest time in your life. Why?

Absence makes the heart go fonder. Was that how it went? No, that couldn’t be it, could it? No, it is much like those times when men find themselves waiting an hour or two for their loved one to come down the steps. Every passing second is an hour of infinite silence, anticipation, and later on, irritation. Then, as everything climaxes to the point where you just want to scream for her to “Come out already we’re already late!”, the door opens. And you’re there, the first glimpse of her has caught you slack-jawed, stuttering, speechless, or just plain lost for words. She is so beautiful. And it was worth every minute of the wait. And you just smile. That’s it, that is exactly it. Just that this is taking a bit longer, the anticipation tenfold, and the outcome? Bliss. She isn’t just dressing up or fixing her hair, she’s improving herself as a person, as an individual. I cherish the thought. Can’t wait though. What’s new?

Now all of a sudden everything just seems nicer. Life seems sweeter. Memories become wonderful to visit again. Touché.

I miss you, angel.

August 15, 2005

penuria: penury

2004-12-06T02:00:00.000-08:00

i had so many other ideas for my first post. i started writing them, but i've been having a difficulty recalling what i was supposed to write. maybe because i have lost the moment or feeling which came with the idea, making my attempt at writing them futile. charred embers with no fuel.

but tonight, i feel again. sadly, it's a feeling i haven't encountered in a while. a feeling i thought would be gone for a very long time. one that i wish would be gone for a very long time.

i wish.

incidentally, that feeling is sadness.

i just had a phone conversation with the one i love. one whom i have loved for 20 months. 20 beautiful months. the best of my life. the conversation ended with her hanging up on me as i said, "i love you, angel."

let me start with this morning.

i woke up quite late, 7:00 am, later than the time i usually allow myself to be up these days (5:00), especially when i am in the presence of my father. surprisingly, i did not receive the "good morning, you woke up late sermon." i helped with the dishes, we ate breakfast, then headed to Church.

alleluia.

we then went straight to Makati since my father left a CD he needed for his presentation at Cebu on monday. i smiled at the idea of being left alone. qt, at long last. we headed to Glorietta, to do some Christmas shopping.

yikes, the torture has begun.

the second suprise came in. we were shopping for my gifts! i got a 2 pairs of pants and 3 polo shirts, all of which were my choices. wonderful. we had lunch at a restaurant and my thoughts quickly turned to the one i loved, and terribly missed.

she would enjoy this. she would definitely enjoy this. God, i hope she does. she would, wouldn't she? the food was delicious, the service perfect and the price terrific. i want to take her to this restaurant, but at their Pasig branch.

apparently my dad and i were going to have a mall tour, for the next destination on our list was Alabang Town Center. bought some boxes for presents, paid my brother's cellphone bill, then go back to my house.

on the way to the car, i noticed a mannequin in a popular clothing shop. nice skirt. my angel will look beautiful in those! it was short and white, sexy yet not slutty, and... well, other adjectives elude me, as i am not well versed with clothing terms. hey wait a minute, those are quite short! i never thought i would actually want to get her those, but i realized, i was comfy with her. no insecurities here, let all the other guys ogle til their heart's content.

i arrived at my house.

i miss my angel all the more now. i was patiently biding my time til she got to her house. the moment she said she arrived, i called. i sensed it immediately.

something is amiss.

i noticed she avoided certain things. temperamental? understandable, knowing that she probably missed me too, and yet couldn't see me. she hates that. then she comes lashing out. brace yourself. in an attempt to change her mood, i jokingly asked if she had eaten and slept, which, at times, became the reason why things go wrong.

bad move.

apparently, sometimes things go wrong because of something wrong about the partner. of course i knew that. that's why i talk to her during arguments in the past and go deep into the problem, trying to find out the root cause, which, more often than not, i consider to be me. the partner. ironically though, sometimes the root cause is hunger.

hilarious. and who am i to claim i have a good understanding of women? not perfect, just good.

so, the call ended. i said "i love you." she said "bye."

*click*

i know, i know, i'm usually a screw up. maybe i do deserve that. hopefully not, but maybe. now i fall into my black moment. past hurts materialize in my memory. past hurts i intentionally forget after they have been resolved. they materialize out of nowhere. there's the big bang theory for you. i remember them. the most painful ones stem from the most shallow. my chest tightens. and then, for lack of a better english phrase, sumasama ang loob.

events are running through my head.

i just can't figure out why sometimes she has to start a fight. no real reason, just coz she's temperamental. in case she hasn't noticed, i'm on her side. i always have been. i protect her and stay by her. through thick and thin. no second thoughts. i give what she wants as long as i can give it. i don't care what other people think, i just do it. i even threw away my entire pristine good standing reputation with her parents to try and help her. yes, i would like to believe there was such a time when it was that close to flawless, at least with her parents. but i still made my decision. i would stand by her. my angel, the one whom i love with all my heart.

hurts, doesn't it?

my mind races for possible reasons. i have lacked in other qualities, but i've started moving in the right track. for me, for her, for us. i didn't have a job before, i got one now. i've started saving up money, too. i take care of my appearance more. she has helped me realize which things are more important. and i thank her for that. i love her for that. one belonging to the list of "the million reasons i love my angel."

still, i think. i've worked on myself. so what really started this trouble tonight? the little things that annoyed her before? no. hunger or sleep? no, and i definitely wouldn't want to raise that up again. bad for the health. then what?

remember that feeling i was talking about at the beginning of this post? well, that feeling has changed into confusion now. with a sigh, i remember the advice i gave a friend about understanding women, in 3 easy steps:

1. take everything you think you know and understand about women.

2. trash it.

3. never assume you know anything. ever again.

p.s. i hope this gets better tomorrow. i'll try negotiating with her tonight. in dreamland. another sigh. i love my angel. and i miss her terribly.